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"Inadequate sled-seat restraint, inadequate, poor quality footwear, working excessive hours in poor lighting conditions while under the influence..." 21 December, 2004.

"Inadequate sled-seat restraint, inadequate, poor quality footwear, working excessive hours in poor lighting conditions while under the influence..." 21 December, 2004.

'Alright! - I know I'm late - but with M.A.F. inspections, import regulations, speed cameras, visitor permits ... You're lucky I'm here at all!" 3 January, 2008

'Alright! - I know I'm late - but with M.A.F. inspections, import regulations, speed cameras, visitor permits ... You're lucky I'm here at all!" 3 January, 2008

The week in review. [1] Police raid suspected Christchurch spammer. "I think we've discovered why Canterbury men are rated as such good lovers!" [2] Scientists begin to decipher dolphin speech. "I wish you could speak so I'd know what you were thinking." "I wish you could think so T'd know what you're saying!" [3] "I brought my own naughty and nice list..." "Too bad snitches don't get ANY presents, My Dunne." 22 December, 2007

The week in review. [1] Police raid suspected Christchurch spammer. "I think we've discovered why Canterbury men are rated as such good lovers!" [2] Scientists begin to decipher dolphin speech. "I wish you could speak so I'd know what you were thinking." "I wish you could think so T'd know what you're saying!" [3] "I brought my own naughty and nice list..." "Too bad snitches don't get ANY presents, My Dunne." 22 December, 2007

Hawkey, Allan Charles, 1941-:It's cough mixture.... Waikato Times 22 December, 2004.

Hawkey, Allan Charles, 1941-:It's cough mixture.... Waikato Times 22 December, 2004.

"Rates! Mortgage! Power! Credit cards! Phone! Taxes! Petrol! ... It can't get any worse!?" "Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Christmas!" 26 November 2009

"Rates! Mortgage! Power! Credit cards! Phone! Taxes! Petrol! ... It can't get any worse!?" "Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Christmas!" 26 November 2009

"We need to be certain that you are not related to someone in the Fiji military." 17 December, 2008.

"We need to be certain that you are not related to someone in the Fiji military." 17 December, 2008.

"I'm not early for Christmas. I'm late for a bloody fancy dress in Napier..." 6 October 2009

"I'm not early for Christmas. I'm late for a bloody fancy dress in Napier..." 6 October 2009

"In 2010, I'm hoping to have the option to cash in one of my 51 weeks of annual leave." 28 December 2009

"In 2010, I'm hoping to have the option to cash in one of my 51 weeks of annual leave." 28 December 2009

Nooo - I was hoping you could give me some PRESENCE. 4 December 2004

Nooo - I was hoping you could give me some PRESENCE. 4 December 2004

Hawkey, Allan Charles, 1941-:Te Awamutu lacking Christmas decorations and the festive spirit... News. Waikato Times, 17 December, 2004.

Hawkey, Allan Charles, 1941-:Te Awamutu lacking Christmas decorations and the festive spirit... News. Waikato Times, 17 December, 2004.

"Santa's coming Daddy! I can hear himo on the roof!" 'Recession.' 2 December, 2008.

"Santa's coming Daddy! I can hear himo on the roof!" 'Recession.' 2 December, 2008.

"What makes me think you want to get rid of me??... Because school doesn't start till NEXT week - that's why!" 31 January, 2008

"What makes me think you want to get rid of me??... Because school doesn't start till NEXT week - that's why!" 31 January, 2008

"Eight hundred Harry Potter books......please." 14 December, 2002.

"Eight hundred Harry Potter books......please." 14 December, 2002.

City Hall Hamilton. 21 December, 2002.

City Hall Hamilton. 21 December, 2002.

"You'll need snow boots and a heavy coat for Scotland, light cotton shirts and sun cream for New Zealand ...." 1 December 2010

"You'll need snow boots and a heavy coat for Scotland, light cotton shirts and sun cream for New Zealand ...." 1 December 2010

"This time those Somali pirates have gone too far!" Christmas 2008. 20 November, 2008.

"This time those Somali pirates have gone too far!" Christmas 2008. 20 November, 2008.

"What you in for Bro?" "Murder... Grievous bodily harm! And you?" "Letting kids sit on my knee, handing out lollies and saying HO! HO! HO!" 12 December, 2005

"What you in for Bro?" "Murder... Grievous bodily harm! And you?" "Letting kids sit on my knee, handing out lollies and saying HO! HO! HO!" 12 December, 2005

Merry Christmas. 23 December 2010

Merry Christmas. 23 December 2010

"Bloody hell! Dolly's got the staff wearing Santa hats and playing the Paul Holmes CD... It's tacky, corny and cleaning out what little appearance of professionalism we have left. I've got to talk to her" "DOLLY!" "You called?" "OH GOD!" New Zealand Doctor, 11 December 2000

"Bloody hell! Dolly's got the staff wearing Santa hats and playing the Paul Holmes CD... It's tacky, corny and cleaning out what little appearance of professionalism we have left. I've got to talk to her" "DOLLY!" "You called?" "OH GOD!" New Zealand Doctor, 11 December 2000

Sanctions. No Fijian seasonal workers. "Sorry pal!" 7 December, 2006

Sanctions. No Fijian seasonal workers. "Sorry pal!" 7 December, 2006