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We're introducing a tough new Welfare Policy. It's called 'Work or else!' "Else?" "It's still a bit short on detail." 11 February, 2006.
"There's nothing like a long walk to add to your problems!" "Don't you mean, lessen your problems?" "No. We're lost." 26 December, 2002.
"It'll soon be illegal to use a cell phone while driving. I'll have to get one of those hands-free things. A chauffeur." 7 December, 2002.
"Good news - there's no need to worry about your slip of the tongue... No one was listening to a word you were saying." 28 November, 2005.
Fletcher, David, 1952- :"The opposition wants there to be a minister of disarmament." The Politician. 5 August 2014
"The Minister's very busy at the moment but he might be able to see you for a few minutes......During the drinks break." 11 January, 2003.
"I'll probably go to my holiday home at my private beach and do a bit of sailing in my 50 foot yacht. What will you be doing over Christmas?" "Cursing you." 5 December, 2005.
"They're calling you the 'rubber man'." "Because I keep bouncing back?" "Because you'd bend over backwards for any publicity." 20 November, 2002.
"We're not allowed to do anything any more, we've turned into a nanny state!!" "Don't shout. You might damage your vocal cords." 18 January, 2006.
"Could you pass me my gardening gloves? The Minister wants the dirt file on opposition MPs". 17 March, 2006.
"When can we expect to see more police on our streets?" "Soon. Their patrol cars are starting to disintegrate." 15 November, 2005.
"Do you realise that as we speak, many of the population are living in substandard conditions?" "I take it you don't like summer camping holidays." 26 December, 2005.
"The Minister once offered to pay for me to have a stapling operation." "Stomach?" "Mouth." 15 January, 2003.
"The PM's called your comments merely headline grabbing." "Great! That'll make it an even bigger headline!!!" 12 November, 2002.
"The PM did offer you a platform on which to air your views on immigration!" "A scaffold is not a platform!!!" 15 November, 2002.
"We're collecting more tax than we need. That is unacceptable! Find more ways of spending it." 8 November, 2005.
"I want a new ministerial advisor - one that doesn't try and tell me what to do all the time!" "I'd like to place an advert for a ministerial toady." 11 January, 2006.
"MPs have decided not to reduce the number of us in parliament in the interests of public health. People would die of shock if we did." 18 March, 2006.
"I thought you said your budget would have something for everyone?" "I said something FROM everyone." 7 March, 2006.
"If I cancel the taxcuts will the public start thinking I'm a skinflint?" "No. They already think that, you'll just be confirming it." 17 February, 2006.
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