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"No! I'm breaking back in! With three good meals and free gym membership, can ya blame me?" 12 August, 2005

"No! I'm breaking back in! With three good meals and free gym membership, can ya blame me?" 12 August, 2005

Scott, Thomas, 1947- :'Dear humin rites comishna, when I woz putting the bodies of the family wot I accidently murdered thru the the (sic) woodchipper I cut off my handz and the gardz call me stumpy. Pleez send lots of money to compensate for my emotional hurt and distres...' Dominion Post, 29 August 2004.

Scott, Thomas, 1947- :'Dear humin rites comishna, when I woz putting the bodies of the family wot I accidently murdered thru the the (sic) woodchipper I cut off my handz and the gardz call me stumpy. Pleez send lots of money to compensate for my emotional hurt and distres...' Dominion Post, 29 August 2004.

"If convicted you'll get life of course... but by the time we get the appeal to the High Court you'll have lived most of that anyway..." 14 May, 2008

"If convicted you'll get life of course... but by the time we get the appeal to the High Court you'll have lived most of that anyway..." 14 May, 2008

"'Freedom'? Jones, you berk, this leads straight to the Mt Eden tobacconist." 29 June 2010

"'Freedom'? Jones, you berk, this leads straight to the Mt Eden tobacconist." 29 June 2010

PRISON EDUCATION... 9 March 2007

PRISON EDUCATION... 9 March 2007

P.Hilton. Room service. 6 June, 2007

P.Hilton. Room service. 6 June, 2007

$1.13m spent on prisoner travel in the past year - (some cost-cutting thoughts) 13 April, 2007

$1.13m spent on prisoner travel in the past year - (some cost-cutting thoughts) 13 April, 2007

Tremain, Garrick 1941- :Your tax dollars at work. Otago Daily Times, 23 July 2004.

Tremain, Garrick 1941- :Your tax dollars at work. Otago Daily Times, 23 July 2004.

The justice system? The victims - "Our lives have been ruined." The criminal - "Sweet! I'll be out in time for my 21st party!" 20 April 2009

The justice system? The victims - "Our lives have been ruined." The criminal - "Sweet! I'll be out in time for my 21st party!" 20 April 2009

"Er... Rangi!.. How long do we have to top'n tail?" 8 September, 2004

"Er... Rangi!.. How long do we have to top'n tail?" 8 September, 2004

"When the torch finally arrives, make sure nobody brings it in here!" 5 May, 2008

"When the torch finally arrives, make sure nobody brings it in here!" 5 May, 2008

Staff smoking area, Ngawha Prison. 3 July 2010

Staff smoking area, Ngawha Prison. 3 July 2010

"I didn't pack the drugs! I'm innocent! I didn't do it! I didn't do it!" "Okay! Okay! Schapelle... But who did?" "The DINGO!" 16 January, 2006

"I didn't pack the drugs! I'm innocent! I didn't do it! I didn't do it!" "Okay! Okay! Schapelle... But who did?" "The DINGO!" 16 January, 2006

FREE PARIS HILTON, sign here. "Holiday in France - what's the catch?" 11 May, 2007

FREE PARIS HILTON, sign here. "Holiday in France - what's the catch?" 11 May, 2007

"No, please, don't take our waterboard... We can't live without it!! Noooo!!!" "I see Obama hasn't completely abandoned torture..." 24 January 2009.

"No, please, don't take our waterboard... We can't live without it!! Noooo!!!" "I see Obama hasn't completely abandoned torture..." 24 January 2009.

Hawkey, Allan Charles, 1941-:Hawke's Bay prisoners rewarded with KFC for allowing cells to be checked.....News. Waikato Times, 29 June, 2005.

Hawkey, Allan Charles, 1941-:Hawke's Bay prisoners rewarded with KFC for allowing cells to be checked.....News. Waikato Times, 29 June, 2005.

Bill to validate illegal election spending - News. "Dear Helen, would you mind slipping in a Bill to validate, extortion, aggravated robbery and fraud?" 18 October, 2006.

Bill to validate illegal election spending - News. "Dear Helen, would you mind slipping in a Bill to validate, extortion, aggravated robbery and fraud?" 18 October, 2006.

"You are lucky - In NZ zey 'ave BANNED cigarettes..." 29 June 2010

"You are lucky - In NZ zey 'ave BANNED cigarettes..." 29 June 2010

"$10,000 to remove a prisoner's facial tattoos?" 10 October, 2005.

"$10,000 to remove a prisoner's facial tattoos?" 10 October, 2005.

Tremain, Garrick, 1941- :Building a bridge. Otago Daily Times, 31 May 2005.

Tremain, Garrick, 1941- :Building a bridge. Otago Daily Times, 31 May 2005.