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"We're not allowed to do anything any more, we've turned into a nanny state!!" "Don't shout. You might damage your vocal cords." 18 January, 2006.
"Could you pass me my gardening gloves? The Minister wants the dirt file on opposition MPs". 17 March, 2006.
"When can we expect to see more police on our streets?" "Soon. Their patrol cars are starting to disintegrate." 15 November, 2005.
"What's your advice to people concerned about the spread of SARS, Minister?" "There's nothing to worry about." 7 April, 2003.
"Do you realise that as we speak, many of the population are living in substandard conditions?" "I take it you don't like summer camping holidays." 26 December, 2005.
"The Minister once offered to pay for me to have a stapling operation." "Stomach?" "Mouth." 15 January, 2003.
"Is your party leader concerned about all this talk of a leadership coup?" "Absolutely not!" "So where is he?" "In his bunker." 4 April, 2003.
"The PM's called your comments merely headline grabbing." "Great! That'll make it an even bigger headline!!!" 12 November, 2002.
"The PM did offer you a platform on which to air your views on immigration!" "A scaffold is not a platform!!!" 15 November, 2002.
"From now on I'll think ONCE before saying anything!" "Don't you mean think twice?" "No. I don't usually think at all before I speak." 6 November, 2002.
"The only reason we're putting more speed cameras on the roads is to save lives!!! We'll put all that lovely extra revenue into the health service!" 9 September, 2003.
"Are you striving for 100% employment?" "No." "Why not?" "Then I'D be out of a job." 13 August, 2003.
"If anything urgent comes up, wake me." "Where will you be?" "In a cabinet meeting." 31 July 2009
"The government's sneaking through too many new taxes." "What are they taxing now?" "The public's patience." 30 June, 2003.
"It's been suggested we broadcast select committee meetings." "Who suggested that?" "Insomniacs anonymous." 11 November, 2002.
"Everyone should learn a second language." "You're not fluent in a second language!" "YES I AM!" "Gobbledegook doesn't count." 18 June, 2003.
"When will they stop digging up allegations from my past?" "Good news! These allegations are quite recent." 28 February, 2006.
"I tried to phone up all the school principals to find out how bad their funding crisis really is...They were all out manning coconut shies." 3 November, 2005.
"Showing your support for Team New Zealand?" "Trying to convince our party leader." 15 February, 2003.
"We need more low-cost housing for homeless people." "There isn't such a thing any more! They DON'T EXIST!!!" "Homeless people?" "Low-cost housing." 17 September, 2003.
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