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"I'll probably go to my holiday home at my private beach and do a bit of sailing in my 50 foot yacht. What will you be doing over Christmas?" "Cursing you." 5 December, 2005.
"They're calling you the 'rubber man'." "Because I keep bouncing back?" "Because you'd bend over backwards for any publicity." 20 November, 2002.
"The media are demanding to know if you lied to them!" "Ministers do not do that kind of thing! Tell them I'm in a meeting." 31 July, 2003.
"We're not allowed to do anything any more, we've turned into a nanny state!!" "Don't shout. You might damage your vocal cords." 18 January, 2006.
"Could you pass me my gardening gloves? The Minister wants the dirt file on opposition MPs". 17 March, 2006.
"When can we expect to see more police on our streets?" "Soon. Their patrol cars are starting to disintegrate." 15 November, 2005.
"What's your advice to people concerned about the spread of SARS, Minister?" "There's nothing to worry about." 7 April, 2003.
"Do you realise that as we speak, many of the population are living in substandard conditions?" "I take it you don't like summer camping holidays." 26 December, 2005.
"Has all this talk of wafer-thin majorities had any effect on you?" "Yes. It's made me feel hungry!" 10 October, 2003.
"I need a creative person!" "To do what?" "My accounts." 10 March, 2003.
"As Small Business Minister you'll be dealing with these companies." "Well, what do you know! They're the same companies I dealt with when I was Big Business Minister!" 8 July, 2003.
"Security are suggesting we instal a retina scan to allow me entry into my office." "A brain scan would be a better idea!" 4 March, 2003.
Fletcher, David 1952- :'We need the media to see you as the good guy in this squabble with the party president!' 'He's still not keen on dressing up as Harry Potter.' The Dominion, 29 November 2001.
Fletcher, David, 1952- :'Does the Minister want to see the questions I'm going to ask him?' 'No....But YOU might like to see the questions you're going to ask him.' The Dominion Post, 13 July, 2002.
"The Minister once offered to pay for me to have a stapling operation." "Stomach?" "Mouth." 15 January, 2003.
"Is your party leader concerned about all this talk of a leadership coup?" "Absolutely not!" "So where is he?" "In his bunker." 4 April, 2003.
"The PM's called your comments merely headline grabbing." "Great! That'll make it an even bigger headline!!!" 12 November, 2002.
"The PM did offer you a platform on which to air your views on immigration!" "A scaffold is not a platform!!!" 15 November, 2002.
"We're collecting more tax than we need. That is unacceptable! Find more ways of spending it." 8 November, 2005.
"I want a new ministerial advisor - one that doesn't try and tell me what to do all the time!" "I'd like to place an advert for a ministerial toady." 11 January, 2006.
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