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"Did my demand for total unity work?" "Yes. Everyone is now 100% behind the plotters." 10 February, 2006.
Fletcher, David, 1952- :'I'm taking ART lessons. This is my version of 'THE SCREAM'.' 'Who was the model?' 'Trevor Mallard when he heard we'd lost the World Cup co-hosting rights.' The Dominion, 20 April 2002.
"Here's your Christmas present from Santa, or as you like to call him the renumeration authority chairman. 17 December, 2005.
"Minister, would you be prepared to give me your opinion on chequebook journalism?" "That depends... How much are you offering me?" 28 March, 2006.
"There's a public perception that we're too generous with tax-payers' money." "Organise a series of TV ads to dispel that idea. You'd better make sure the ads are cheap and nasty." August - September, 2001.
"Business confidence is at an all-time low." "Who told you that?" "The guy standing on your window ledge." 24 November, 2005.
"Do you still want to try and persuade the Minister to ban the sale of fireworks to private individuals?" "Now would be a good time." 7 November, 2005.
"The Prime Minister did not give me this portfolio just to 'buy' my support!" "What portfolio have you been given?" "I'm Minister of Baubles." 29 November, 2005.
"Has everything been running smoothly?" "Yes, but we're expecting all that to change soon." "Why?" "You're back." 9 January, 2006.
"I won't accept these 'rats and mice' portfolios!!!" "That's a bit harsh isn't it? - What were you offered?" "Spokesman for Pest Control." August - September, 2001.
"It's been suggested YOU leaked the documents." "Do you have any evidence to support that claim?!!" "Um, no." "Phew!" 1 November, 2002.
Fletcher, David, 1952- :'Did you complain about the excessive work-load in this survey of public servants?' 'No....I COULDN'T FIND THE TIME TO FILL IN THE SURVEY!!!' The Dominion, 1 May 2002.
"We're not allowed to do anything any more, we've turned into a nanny state!!" "Don't shout. You might damage your vocal cords." 18 January, 2006.
"Could you pass me my gardening gloves? The Minister wants the dirt file on opposition MPs". 17 March, 2006.
"When can we expect to see more police on our streets?" "Soon. Their patrol cars are starting to disintegrate." 15 November, 2005.
"Do you realise that as we speak, many of the population are living in substandard conditions?" "I take it you don't like summer camping holidays." 26 December, 2005.
"When will they stop digging up allegations from my past?" "Good news! These allegations are quite recent." 28 February, 2006.
"I tried to phone up all the school principals to find out how bad their funding crisis really is...They were all out manning coconut shies." 3 November, 2005.
"When do I get to see the top-secret report that's going around?" "You're next on the list of trusted people... as soon as the Sunday newspapers have finished with it I'll get it out to you." 17 January, 2006.
"Underperforming ministers have been given the chop in the cabinet reshuffle. They're a threat to the country!" 28 September, 2005.
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