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"Have you seen all these immigration scams people come up with? This country needs ingenious people like that." 19 November, 2002.
"What level of terrorist alert are we on at the moment?" "Baghdad Blue" "I still think it was a waste of money getting an interior designer to choose the colours!" 1 March, 2003.
"I wish I'd never agreed to take part in this parliamentary inquiry into scampi fishing!" "So why did you?" "I thought there might be some free samples." 10 June, 2003.
Fletcher, David, 1952- :'The PM said your remarks were totally unacceptable for a well-respected, important Minister to make!....So it's just as well you're not.'The Dominion, 23 April 2002.
"The staff in this office have been accused of trying to cover up something embarrassing! Where's your Minister?" "Under the sheet." 16 September, 2003.
"The number of people on sickness benefits has increased by 30%! The PM wants to know why you haven't done something about the malingerers amongst them?" "Tell her I've had a bad back." 8 October, 2003.
"Are these govt limos gas-guzzlers - what does it take to fill her up?" "About five taxpayers." 28 January, 2006.
"The PM wants to see you." "Does she want to VET my speeches?" "No, she wants to NEUTER you." 27 February, 2003.
"We got the forecast for the surplus wrong." "What is it with you Treasury people! Don't you ever get it right?!!!" "It's a billion more than expected." "You're forgiven." 16 December, 2002.
"...It'll mean keeping the people in the dark until it's over!" "The war?" "The energy crisis." 27 March, 2003.
Fletcher, David, 1952- :'GPs claim they're overworked and underpaid.' 'Tell me what job isn't!' 'Well...' 'Apart from mine.' Dominion Post, 22 January 2004.
Fletcher, David, 1952- :'We'll need to take down all my billboards before election day.' 'Don't worry......Supporters of your opponents took care of that weeks ago.' The Dominion Post, 26 July 2002.
"Our support of GM is losing us votes! Do we stick to our decision or do we reverse it?" "It depends on how important popularity is to you." BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! 7 October, 2003.
"Here's a request from a footy coach. He wants you to talk to his back-line." "Why me?" "He's been impressed by your ability to side-step everything." 24 July, 2003.
"You can't plan your summer holiday AND run the country. Get your priorities right!" "You're right - what was I thinking! To hell with the country!" 13 December, 2002.
"Has Dougal sent any war reports from the front lines yet?" "No. Just the usual 'Wish you were here' postcards." 1 April, 2003.
"Phone calls get recorded, emails and memos get leaked - how are you supposed to send sensitive information these days?!!!" "There's someone in the government buildings doing semaphore." 16 March, 2006.
"The Prime Minister said one day I could be PM!" "I think she mean't 'permanently muzzled'". 11 October, 2003.
"The school examination system needs to be simplified." "So a child can understand it?" "So the Minister in charge can understand it." 30 December, 2005.
"Are we travelling 1st class, business or economy?" "We're flying on a 30-year old Air Force plane. It's 'Will we make it?' class." 17 October, 2002.
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